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| mooooooved(:
those who are lucky enough to find it then, good for ya,
for those who cant then too bad. psssst, ask me, maybe i'll tell, or not. heh(: | | |
| from hero to zero?
we have not been talking for days, but what im feeling now is totally unexpected of. say that im an asshole if you may, but honestly, everything's changed. you may apologise all you want, keep pestering, keep stating all your reasons but whats done, can't be undone. tsk, this the absolute last thing i ever want to think about again. its monday tmr again, just the thought of btc makes me feel oh so tired. dang i can't wait for friday to come(: and i seriously dont want to get back my report card!!D: mum's gna slaughter and kill me when she sees my L1R5 and all the freaking comparison will just rush back in, mark my words. after talking to caroline at the tau hway shop, made me think super far. all the what if's, all the pretty thoughts. heh, it really is nice to just be in the pretence that my life's on the right track. hush.. | | |
| open house today was the total waste of my life.. things only got better after it all ended(: the new info were all so shockingly scandalous. but none can be compared to the shock that came together with a question. i swear all i could ever do for the next minute, was to just stare in shock. seriously, it was that scary, and majorly disappointing if it was ever true):
i was still reeling form the shock that i had a splitting headache till now.
when things just suddenly made sense, you just had to come into focus and jumble it up again.
i wish i have the guts to just ask you out right, but the question that i had easily pushed so far back of my mind is hitting me like a ton of bricks now.
was everything THAT OBVIOUS and i was the only dumb one that couldnt see it all? pleasedont think that im a freak an davoid me will you? cos i have absolutely no idea myself. i need help, PRONTO. but, what if she was right? what if im so screwed up i didnt even realise how screwed i am? what if you've been trying to tell me this for the past goodness how long and all i did was just to tune you out? anyway, all i know now is that, im clear after all that who it is really that i will turn to in times of need, when all i need is a listening ear, and NON-JUDGEMENTAL eyes. that just pretty rules out almost the entire population of cedar. goodness, you have no idea how desperately i want out of here. oh, dont worry and bother your litle fake self to pretend to even remotely like me just to get it all out. you just opened my eyes to how disgustingly fake you are, and no thanks, i do not want to end up like your superficial selfs. so just stop flying high and come back down to earth already, cause newsflash, the world definately doesnt revolve around you and you are really starting to disgust me with how much pretence you put up just to be who you want to be. well, you have it all now, don't you? so why cant you be just nice for once and seriosly start treating people right? i hate how much you were able to suck me into your little self-centered world. yes, im ashamed of what i've done thanks to you, and this time its for real that im ending it all. hate me all you want, and you can even do what you do best, bitching. but im sick of all these. im sick of this constant pretence cause its just so so tiring to even try keeping up with you and the things you deemed as fun. get a life. surprises, shocks, they really do like to come in one entire bundle and knock me off my feet.
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| ugh, how am i going to survive this end year's period? i feel as though i've ot mugged this hard like, ever. guess, shouldnt be streesing myself out so much, but its hard to do when you take a look around. leg's been feeling much better and i can dont rely on the painkillers anymore(: cant wait to lay my hands on that jacket tmr! the seller is the absolute best to make all the way here(:
hey you, yes you know who you are(: thanks for being there to listen to me and pick up all my calls even if its in the middle of the night when i cant fall asleep or when i just needed a listening ear. you made things 'round here so much more bearable(: i just dont know what to do anymore.
where am i going to end up now? i can ride my bike with no handlebars, yeah right. | | |
| i dont see any point in comparing us, especially when you know im not as freakin clever as you or whatever, but at least im putting in an effort! cant you see how much effort i put in? i guess all you can see is the results. now i think back, how i wondered i actually got through psle without studying for it. oh wells, came back to an empty place and im still the only living person in the house till now. it feels as though im living alone or something. what the crap. IM SO GNA FAIL HISTORY D: | | |
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